So tonight I was enjoying music and thinking about projects I was working on and deciding on what I wanted to do with this little writing/poem response thing I’ve been messing with (personal project)… I wanted to do something that encapsulated many things I felt while reading but I found I was having trouble figuring out how to channel what I needed to get the initial idea. To build that starting form I need so I know what the break down or fight against. It was that familiar feeling of splashing around in a huge sea and not knowing which way to start swimming. I have so many tools to cope with that, but I don’t want to fall into the old standards as this is a direct response to an individual and has nothing to do with any of that other razmataz. There will be no decay or dissolving. No response rhythms and bent samples. This must stand alone.
So how do I start over? What was my process to create those tools to begin with? It was so long ago I don’t even recall what I did. Most other projects I’ve worked on were born from some idea that just came and set me off running… they would have never existed otherwise. I seldom decide I want to do something these days, I mostly just respond to urges (musically speaking), or live up to commitments made before I really considered what I was agreeing to. Participation and growth by force (social pressure). So in this instance I want — or maybe more correctly desire — to create a “response” to this work I received… possibly because I wanted to show my appreciation and create something truly temporal and specifically for an individual much like the “wudun boxes” project but without so much rigidity (a big fault of that project and my primary mistake in building it). Perhaps part of the desire is to solve the whole problem I’ve had with completing the “boxes” project. Perhaps I want to pass back the feeling of a secret work experienced alone. Really though just getting rid of the open ocean feeling while satisfying the drive would be great. Knowing what the container is so I know what to break out of or fight against. So lets run down the line “on paper” to see how it looks outside of myself. It’ll make it all easier. Less to hold in the head and less to forget as I do on the regular.
So I started writing out this ridiculous little process of mine and was tickled to see how it worked. Figured I’d share it on the off chance it’s interesting or helpful to someone else. Also it’ll add to the ripples in the world and that’s always a good thing to do if you’re alive. I also don’t see many attempting to document this kind of junk often and I’d be interested in seeing more so… yeah. I’ll make some to see how hard it is.
When it was done settling it sort of came out like this:
(note this is my pad to myself so some things are super esoteric)
Make Bull think goddammit!
What am I concerned with here? Areas of growth?
Components that directly effect results of work:
(start with physical self, zero point)
Tools. I make and move at all times with: Hands. Voice. Body and sense of Rhythm.
Physical body is my primary instrument. If I had nothing else but that I could still write a song. Remember this! You’ve always done it dummy. All things that make sound do nothing without me. Keep hands loose, keep throat healthy, keep body functioning. Stop hurting self? Do I enjoy the chaos or the music more? Honestly it’s a toss up and these thoughts don’t fit the task anyway. come back to this some other time. Stay on target. Body bubbles up with moving without knowing. Sometimes when I know I’m embarrassed but why? Body hear beat body wants move. Let it show me.
Motivation. I make because it’s a feeling. An itch and a need. I do not make children but my body craves creation. My creation comes from destruction. I am old male? Change often but that piece still stays. I pull apart to learn or build only to burn. This is the cycle of life. I love all cycles. All loops. How can I make without them? I cannot for I am a loop. Fruit loop. Gross those are awful. Moving on. Point was, comes from gut. The feels. Without make (or fuck?) I feel depressed and useless. Need use. Will is no problem here. I felt and immediately wanted build. This step is the reason for this exercise. Next.
(the act, birth)
It’s in your head or the idea appears from the fog. Movement up from gut seems like that to brainbox filter. Haze. Sometimes it’s beamed in direct without the guts. Sometimes it’s summoned. I always call for it first. The beams you can’t control. Focus on the summoning. I summon with imagination. The imagination incubates the feelings and draws them up from the gut. I know what feeling I want always. It’s the feeling of the subject. What I felt when I was there. — Here it is! The step I’m stuck on. In this case how did the work make me feel? I know exactly how, so then build the space for that and live in it for a moment. Become that space or the character that lives there. The sound will come. Re and re-read but imagine after. Then simply sit and wait and feel and sense.
(the labor, will it be out there what it is in me?)
I labor with my tools. My most sturdy tools are percussive. Bass is often the first in mind but percussion is always the first in body. The body demands rhythm. The device determines the character in this world. What device? Drum? Synthetic? A mix? What about soft and round drums. All boom and sizzle. How does it sound in my head when I am in that place? Soft, deep, a swell. A body fills with blood. Thought triggered: We can try two covers at once, yes? One in concept one in content… Lets go with body and heart sounds. Lets go with the pumping and show the dance as internal. Soft and low. This song is dance so bring it inside as that was the reaction yes? yes. This will inform the sound and must be made real before I can continue. I can plan no more until I hear how this quality works in the world, as it will most likely not match the head. Do I need the ideal or desired? No I just needed this starting point. The idea in imagination will be killed at first contact with the physical world. I know there is no control in these things. Let’s birth then bend.
So there. I kind of solved my own problem by just trying to describe my process from the ground up. Really it’s still oversimplified but it’s the best I can get for now, I’m still relatively new to “showing (knowing) my work” as they say. It’s so strange to see it this way, like I don’t own this process even though it came from me… slowing the thoughts proved really hard. I missed things. It still doesn’t sit exactly right when I read it back but it did the task. Got it.
I’ll embrace the idea of covers, as there is an element of that in the work received. I’ll combine two so I don’t bore myself. Gotta keep the excitement up. I’ll tilt it and bend it all through my own experience of the work prompting the response. Maybe I’ll toss in a spoken word experiment or two just to stretch my legs a little. Maybe it’ll come out alright. It’s at least a solid direction to swim in. Good signs of civilization. Wisps of smoke finally caught on the horizon or maybe some faint glow of light pollution. I’ll swim that way. Hopefully it’s not some terrible nation of cannibals. Only one way to find out. Or two right? The smell…